Behind the scenes, I came damn close to quitting. To explain I should probably start at the begining.
This was my second year participating in the RPM Challenge and I had plans. I was going to record enough material that I could pick and choose what made the CD. I was going to find some kind of thematic continuity. And most of all I would take another huge step toward closing the "taste gap" (see this video for what I mean).
I started well. I had a handful of decent ideas. And then... Excuses. I'm not a fan of excuses so I won't bore you with them. Suffice it to say that I stalled out. Then I started to procrastinate. Before I knew it I was running low on time, hating what I had already done and was rationalizing an exit.
Perhaps you've had these thoughts yourself.
- it sucks and I don't want to release anything but my best work, anything less than excellent will reinforce a reputation for producing mediocre work
- it sucks, everything sounds the same (wait didn't I want a theme?)
- it's all guitar stuff and I want to be an electronic artist, it's not me!
- it's not weird enough
- no time to properly mix
- no time for artwork
- eek no time!
A luge athlete lost his life. A figure skater lost her mother and still skated (to a medal). A cross country skier broke several ribs, punctured a lung and still found a way to finish (again to a medal). I got pissed at athletes that I was disappointed in (not for their failure to achieve results but for what I felt to be a lack of heart).
Thinking hard about this over the weekend it became pretty clear to me that quitting was not an option. That my judgements of my material were coloured by my judgements of myself, not the music. That I'm just as much of a drama queen as anybody I judged guilty of that before.
In the end, I sucked it up and finished (aided by the pressure of a deadline). Now all the machinations seem silly and neurotic. Entirely self created drama.
Which leaves me to introduce Comfort Noodles. An ambient collection of mainly guitar noodles. Another signpost on my journey.